Introduction: After reading this news story about a woman who was stuck on a toilet for two years, I was inspired. I think this women knew what she was doing when she took up this great lifestyle. I was inspired by her to challenge myself to write an article on the greatness of pooping, and also use the word “poop” in every single sentence of the article.
Pooping is something we all do. We all poop and sometimes we enjoy that poop. Sometimes our poop can turn on us and become very solid or have various states of viscosity, but we try not to think about those days. I believe pooping can bring the world together. If we could all just get together and talk about poop or even poop together, then we could realize how similar we all are. We could perhaps cure diseases because when we put our commonalities into perspective, by pooping, we would be more motivated to do such things. Poop could save the world.
A favorite pastime of my father’s was a “wake ‘n poop”, as he called it. He got to read the paper or a magazine, possibly eat a bowl of cereal, or sleep while he pooped. I think he saved it all week sometimes so that on his day off he could poop all morning and into the afternoon. He would sit in there and the toilet would flush about five times over the course of the poop session. I can’t say whether or not saving his poop all week was good for him in the long run, but he just needed to get away for a while in the privacy and stink of his own poop.
For people who are busy workers there is the “lunch-break poop”. In the “lunch-break poop” you take a sandwich or a bowl of soup, something easily eaten off your lap, and bring it to the bathroom to eat while you poop. This one is an interesting poop because if you think about it, if you didn’t have a life, you could sit on the toilet for a week or so just eating and pooping. Think of your innards as a basic piping system, you shove mashed potatoes in one end and at the same time they are falling out of the other end of the pipe like poop. If you had a television and a large supply of food and drink at arm’s reach you could, quite efficiently, have a vacation of poop. Obviously, if you are working, you just eat that one meal while pooping and then get right back to work.
My personal favorite type of pooping is what I call the “poop for pleasure”. When I say “pleasure” I do not mean any type of sexual pleasure from poop (because I know that’s what you were thinking). When I “poop for pleasure”, it is usually a day in which I have nothing to do. I will feel it coming but wait around until I feel a sufficient amount of poop has gathered and is ready for departure. I will then proceed with the pooping. The actual “pleasure” part does not take place until AFTER the pooping has completed. If all goes well during the poop session, then when I sit down in a comfy recliner or couch I will get a nice pleasurable feeling on my insides and rear area. This is my personal pooping recommendation for a rainy day.
There has been word on the street and in the underground pooping world about a method called “masturpooping”. It is a very secretive tradition, even more secretive than most females make the normal act of pooping. It involves the person pooping and achieving orgasm at the same time. It apparently takes a lot of poop discipline and training, and only the best of the best can do this correctly. This method of pooping is said to have originated in ancient China. Samurais were not allowed to masturbate, but some could not resist the urge and had to do it in secret while they pooped. Nobody would ever want to walk in on a Samurai pooping so this was a very secretive, yet effective, method for some members of the ancient order of Samurai’s to get away with masturbating.
If reading this has given you the pooping urge, then I recommend you grab a partner. Both of you grab a pen and pad and write down the things you would like to change in the world while you poop. Think about all the starving children in Africa who don’t have the luxury of pooping on a daily basis, and when they do poop it can’t be very fulfilling. Think about the ancient Chinese Samurai’s who had to use pooping as an excuse to rub one out in secret. Think about diseases that force people to poop in a bag, or maybe they couldn’t get the pan in time and had to sleep in their own poop. Think about all these things and then give one good push for humanity poop.
January 29, 2009 at 8:48 pm |
The lady’s story also inspired me! This should be a Collab on our special place. Encourage people to contribute their poop stories like they do on poopreport.com. Video, audio, stories, pictures, anything. Challenge people to write an essay on pooping using the word poop in every sentence. I like your poop story so much I feel like posting it there as a “REFERENCE” if you don’t release it. Pooping brings people together and should not be ostracized.
January 30, 2009 at 7:22 pm |
“Think about all the starving children in Africa who don’t have the luxury of pooping on a daily basis, and when they do poop it can’t be very fulfilling.”
That sounds weird. Of course they can poop. You probably meant they can’t afford commodes. I am rewriting it to:
“Think about all the starving children in Africa who don’t have the luxury of pooping with a commode on a daily basis, so when they do poop it can’t be very fulfilling.”