My Poor Brain

Provocative photos have been discovered of Princess Leia Organa, a respected senator and rebel ally, and Chewbacca, a wookie. This photo is one of many, showing an already nude Chewbacca and a still clothed Leia Organa. Cries of shock and roars of Wookies across the galaxy are being heard today. Judging by Organa’s hairstyle in this photo, it seems to have been taken sometime either before or after the Battle of Hoth.

At the time of the photos we can assume that Organa was also romantically involved with her current husband, Han Solo, due to many rumors by rebel soldiers and stories told at the highly publicized Solo wedding. We can only imagine the rift this will put in Han and Leia’s marriage. Perhaps bigger than the incident in which Organa unknowingly kissed her brother, Luke Skywalker, which also took place during the Battle of Hoth and became a running joke in the family. As the allegations pile up, Leia Organa can be placed being romantically involved or having feelings for three different people, now including one Wookie, around the time of one critical event: The Battle Of Hoth.

We sent our translator to get an interview with Chewbacca about the photos, but the translator was sent to the a medical center with his arm removed from it’s socket and firmly jammed up his rectum. Neither Leia nor Han could be contacted as we pulled up to their home and was confronted by R2-D2, who reassured us he could oil slick us and then set us on fire.

We can not reveal the source of the photos at this time for their own protection, but they did have this to say about it “aagh raahh aaahh ahh faah llaaa haaaahhh (coughs up hairball) ahh faaahh shaaa” (our wookie translator was not available at the time of this interview).

The response in the galaxy is mixed, but mostly people are confused. However, the response on Kashyyk, the wookie planet, is rather positive. Chewbacca’s friends on Kashyyk have gone as far as to call him a “Hero Among Wookies” and “Layer of the Leia”.

We must now conclude with some questions: Was the war between the Alliance and the Empire weighing that much on Organa that she had to seek provocative forms of relieving her stress? Kissing one man on a whim and than flirting with an older man was one thing. But then seeking the sexual attention of a Wookie, who are known for their strength and hair? And then to take photos of the event like it’s not shocking enough to just hear of a Wookie and a human female having intercourse? Which makes the human mind wonder: What does a Wookie’s penis look like? and Does it smell when it gets wet?

The true victim here is Han Solo. During the critical time of The Battle of Hoth, he was an older man falling for a younger, but more powerful, woman. It is now clear how powerful she really was, but her power could not keep these photos hidden from Han forever. As far as we know, Chewbacca and Han are still good friends, but these photos may change that. It is sad to see such important people in the Galaxy’s history have their reputations tarnished by such things, but perhaps it is for the best that secrets be in the open. Perhaps it will spring up a new generation of Wookie-Human couples who were afraid to come out and reveal their love, and will now cum in the defense of this scandal.